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For you.

I rush for candles. Birthday cake. Presents. Pinata.

So many small children, circling like sharks, their hands like fins...whispering. Singing, now we are raising our voices to celebrate her arrival, five years ago today she was born and welcomed and I would have welcomed you, too, small soul...if only...

I sit.

So still.

I'm scared to move.

If I do, you will exit this world faster. If I am SILENT maybe you will cling to the walls of my pelvis and scream, "No! I am not ready! One more chance, just one!" And I will hear you, I will listen. I will respond, I will grant you your moment. I have to cut the cake, I have to serve drinks, I have to hold the pinata still one more time...

I have to move.

My legs are weak, I am tired. I am hopeful but I know this is the end, we're finished and it's over and you didn't have the strength. I didn't have the strength. We're mutual in this, we signed a pact in blood...neither of us were convinced we could do our job correctly, we terminated our agreement quietly, you slipped out the door and back in to the ether. Would if I could just know you, for a moment...

I would have sung the stars down from the night sky for you, in my own way, out of key, the big dipper in to your cradle. I would have filled your bottle with the milky way, my winter child, my darling...

Perhaps one day we will meet again, for there must be the option to obtain a second chance, somewhere. I will conjure you, with witchcraft and incense. My body will be a cauldron. You will know wonder, tiny spark. You will breathe and feel and cry and hope and dream.

I can dream.

Perhaps one day we can dream together.
In July of 2013, on my daughters fifth birthday, I lost a child. It's been a long half a year. I'm tired.
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lion-essrampant Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
pullingcandy Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014

Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DailyLitDeviations and has been selected as our “Pick of the Day”. It is featured in a news article here: dailylitdeviations.deviantart.…  and on our main page.

Keep writing and keep creating.

beeinthebottle Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2014   Writer
I'm so, so sorry.

This is a lovely expression -- beautiful, sad writing.
Farand Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2014
Catreya Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:'( I'm so sorry to hear that... your writing is beautiful on this part. I can understand your pain... I hope it gets better from here, and you can have your second chance.

God Bless.
TwistedOmniscience Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014
I'm sorry miss.
Love your daughter like you would have loved that child.
But never forget your child either.
pullingcandy Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
I absolutely do.
Just took me a long time to say goodbye :).
TwistedOmniscience Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014
I know how that feels.
I'm sorry, but I hope no other obstacles like that get in your way.
pullingcandy Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
I have two other children I am blessed to know, I am hoping nothing else like this happens, but everything happens for a reason. If it's possible, wherever people go when they slip away from us, this little soul knows they were loved even for a short time.
TwistedOmniscience Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014
Yes, that is true. They instantly know who their mother is and go to their warmth, and take in their love.
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Submitted on
February 20, 2014


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